family name versus personal name

[Steven McIntire Allen]

One thing I wish I had done when I first came to Japan on the JET program in Ishinomaki, Miyagi in 1993, was have people address me by my family name if I address them by their family name. In the vast majority of situations, this is not a problem, but on occasion I have noticed that some Japanese address foreigners by their personal names either because the Japanese individual does not accord foreigners the same respect as Japanese, or because they are trying to belittle the foreigner. Living in a foreign country, one perhaps encounters bias based on nationality, race or ethnicity more than otherwise, but these can often be an opportunity to correct the situation.

While soaking in my hot water circulating tub last night, arguably one of the best inventions Japan has never successfully exported to the rest of the world, I realized that the differences when people refer to one by one's family name versus one's personal name, are not really noticeable until foreigners start requesting Japanese address us by our family names. Then, when Japanese do start trying to insist on addressing the foreigner by her personal name, or ask why he is not using his family name, etc., little antennas go up, and the foreigner starts thinking to themselves, what is this person's subtext here?

In order to avoid misunderstandings with others, addressing people and being addressed by people using our last names in accordance with Japanese custom is the best policy. Usually, the misunderstanding does not arise with the foreigner's acquaintance. Rather, I notice problems when other Japanese hear the foreigner being addressed by his personal name in Japanese, and the newcomer starts taking liberties with the foreigner that are totally inappropriate in either Japanese or the foreigner's culture. Unfortunately, due to linguistic or cultural reasons, the foreigner is many times not attune to the transgressions this new Japanese acquaintance might be making.

Particularly for Americans, this is difficult because we want to be friendly right away. Unfortunately, we think that if we buddy up to someone by having them address us by our personal names, we will create a better relationship. In reality, the opposite is true. I believe foreigners would have a better relationship with Japanese people if a last name basis is used at first, and if sometime in the future, the relationship becomes a first name one, great. However, even then, much like Japanese treat co-workers, and might use a personal name in a social context, but a family name in the workplace, I think the public treatment of foreigners should be accorded the same respect.

Also, one problem I frequently hear cited with respect to this issue is that the foreigner's last name is difficult for the Japanese to pronounce. In that case, shorten the name. For example, Hoffstedder, could be Mr. Hoff. Or Brzezinksi could be Ms. B.

I do not mean to accuse the vast majority of Japanese, who are respectful, and even-handed. However, many Japanese might make the mistake of using a foreigner's personal name, when if the Japanese actually understood the situation, that Japanese would much prefer to use the foreigner's family name. I think most Japanese want to treat foreigners equally, and that the inconsistent treatment of foreigners and Japanese actually creates more disharmony in Japan.

I have a tremendous amount of respect, and believe that the more the rest of the world could learn Japanese customs, the better the world would be in many respects. One important area is the manners of the Japanese, and treatment of others. I think the tranquility, and peacefulness of Japan is largely due to this awesome attribute of the Japanese, and I hope we can export it all over the world.

Please do not hesitate to let me know if you have any questions, and I hope you take my opinion in the spirit in which it is offered.

[Yumi]

I think I completely understand what you mean and you are right in respect to the family name issue. I also agree that it would be super great if the customs could be exported because all to often in western culture there is not much respect shown to others. Though my name is of Japanese orgin I am actually a foreigner myself from Canada, though currently living in Japan.